the Shabbos Table
By Maya Sekori
makes a Chabad-Chassidishe Shabbos so special? How do we create the special
atmosphere of Shabbos? What can be done to provide better structure for the
family for the duration of the 25 hours of Shabbos? How can we get organized
before Shabbos and bring in Shabbos smiling and calmly? * About these and other
questions, we present Tzivia, Zahava, Esther, and Gila.
a baalas teshuva, told me recently, "One of the most special
experiences in my life was my first Shabbos. I was a guest at the home of L.,
and even today itís hard for me to describe what so attracted me that Shabbos.
Itís clear to me that that Shabbos was my first motivation to draw close to Yiddishkeit."
can take advantage of the mystical aspects of Shabbos the entire day, not only
to mold the family, but also to encourage our brothers and sisters who are not
yet involved in Yiddishkeit, to give them a taste (in both senses) of the
special pleasure of Shabbos. In this article we will touch on these two topics,
both of which have a relationship to creating a special atmosphere on Shabbos.
create that special ambiance on Shabbos," begins Tzivia, mother of a family
blessed with children, with the oldest ones married, "itís important to
be particular to make the appropriate preparations. Itís most worthwhile to
set the table nicely, well ahead of Shabbos Ė with everything, including the
tablecloth, flowers, etc."
should be concerned that the children should dress in holiday clothes, and not
sit at the Shabbos table in a robe. These are things that we can do well ahead
of Shabbos that create the atmosphere. Itís advisable to start the
preparations for Shabbos Ė cooking and cleaning Ė on Thursday. When I do
that, I have enough time to finish early, and greet Shabbos more calmly.
well-known part of the avoda of a Shabbos such as this is the
participation of the children. The children, even the younger ones, should be
assigned different jobs, which contributes to their feeling of participation in
the Shabbos preparations. When I cook and bake, I speak with the children, the
phrase, ĎLíkavod Shabbos kodeshí penetrates deep into their hearts.
Shabbos the children are the center of the activities. I give out special sweets
líkavod Shabbos. The children have games that are saved specially for
reside in a non-religious area, so we have to provide special activities for
Shabbos. During Shabbos I learn sichos of the Rebbe with my daughters, we
sing niggunim (not just during the meal), and we dance together. I still
remember how when the children were young they would look forward to Shabbos
because they so loved the singing and dancing.
the meal, the children play a large part. Each child tells something they
learned about the parsha, sichos of the Rebbe, etc. We arrange a Chidon
on the parsha every Shabbos. We do this, and we also have guests (and baruch
Hashem, many guests come to our house for Shabbos); the guests enjoy
listening to the children. Sometimes there are guests who need a lot of
attention, as for example when our guests are new immigrants and then the
language at the table is not Yiddish, which the children understand, but
Russian. But we still try to keep the focus on the children."
mother of six children, the oldest of which is school-age, offers a few ideas
for creating a Chassidishe Shabbos for the children and guests: "Iím
particular to have special things for Shabbos, like games they only play on
Shabbos, special food (the children love the soup on Friday night, for example,
and I make it only for Shabbos, not during the week). There are places we visit
only on Shabbos. All of these things give the Shabbos its special quality for
the children, and also for the adults."
is full of activities and experiences. In our neighborhood, the school has
activities for the children on Shabbos. Thereís still time for activities in
the house, though: after candle lighting, on Shabbos morning, and in the
afternoon. On Shabbos morning we daven together with special tunes. This
is in addition to the meal, which is the main place for singing niggunim.
our homes we host many guests, most of whom are new to Yiddishkeit. I
believe that a Shabbos like this makes a big contribution to those Jews who are
just getting involved in Judaism. This is a wonderful opportunity for them to
experience our way of life.
worth mentioning a few general rules that apply to hosting guests who donít
know much about Judaism. The most important rule is to make them feel
comfortable. This is self-understood, but when speaking to a guest of this type,
we have to be aware of the fact that such a guest is likely to be embarrassed
because of his lack of knowledge. We have to avoid as much as possible the
comment, ĎThis is forbidden on Shabbosí. On the other hand, we want to avoid
situations in which a guest might perform forbidden activities in the house. If
they donít know that some things are forbidden, itís okay to explain right
at the beginning some general fundamentals. For example, we can tell them the
main things we shouldnít do on Shabbos; we can explain that we wash our hands
before the meal; we can show them the separation between milchig and fleishig
in the kitchen. In addition, we can restrict the possibility of chilul Shabbos
Ė we can cover the light switches, we can put away things that are muktzeh,
etc. Itís not good to impose many restrictions on guests who are just
beginning to be interested in Judaism.
relaxed and natural atmosphere is the attraction for the guests; not a rich and
varied menu, and not beautiful household objects. When we conduct Shabbos in an
ordinary and acceptable fashion, not going overboard, guests will sense that
they are part of the family and they will enjoy it.
children will interact with the guests, as well. Children can contribute to the
free and pleasant atmosphere in their own natural way. When there is a need to
comment to a guest about something, itís done in a roundabout way through the
children; the comment or question is addressed to the child. Again, we avoid
compulsion and we act pleasantly so the guests will feel comfortable.
the end, if there are people to whom being hospitable in this manner will help
bring them closer to Yiddishkeit, that is our reward."
a young mother of four little ones, tells us: "I remember the first period
after we got married. Sometimes I thought preparing for Shabbos was a heavy
burden. It was a serious challenge to finish cleaning, do the cooking, and greet
Shabbos in a positive mood. Most of the time I felt tired and pressured at the
meal. With time, I learned to change my approach. I think that the pleasant
atmosphere is the most important thing Ė more important than the number of
salads and other things on the tableÖ I try to do all the preparations without
making myself crazy, to use shortcuts, and the main thing Ė to emphasize the
importance of the children and make a nice Shabbosdik atmosphere.
are many ways to reduce the pressure of the work before Shabbos. I make the
purchases for Shabbos on Wednesday, and on Thursday I finish the preparations.
On Friday I suffice with a general and quick cleaning of the house. Many times Iíve
prepared in advance a large amount of certain foods. I freeze some of the food
and take it out to thaw when it is needed, like when I anticipate a particularly
pressured Erev Shabbos.
use this method in baking, as well. Sometimes not only before Shabbos but in any
free time I have, I bake cakes and freeze them. On Erev Shabbos I defrost the
cake and warm it up in the oven or microwave. Sometimes when I donít have
enough, I buy prepared food and cake and use that. Even this concession pays off
for the calmness in the preparation of Shabbos. The children always remember the
experiences of Shabbos, the niggunim and the conversations around the
table more than the food that is served.
remember times I was apprehensive about taking guests on Shabbos. If it were
today, I would make the tasks much less and the tone much more. Thereís no
doubt it all depends on the proper arrangements and appropriate
a mother of young children, quotes the Seifer HaChinuch: "íThe
actions draw the heart.í To instill the holy atmosphere of Shabbos, we have to
pay attention specifically to the superficial things. The halacha
establishes that we have to honor Shabbos with clothes, special food, candle
lighting, etc. These things create the special feeling for the children and even
for the grown-ups."
participation of the children in the preparation and in the cleaning for Shabbos
greatly contributes to the atmosphere. Itís important to pay attention to the
fact that there are many different restrictions on Shabbos, and on the other
hand, there are positive activities that are done to create enjoyment. Itís
important to teach the children what is forbidden to do on Shabbos, but the
general approach must be to emphasize the positive side Ė the Kiddush,
the Shabbos meals, etc. When we mention to a small child, ĎWe donít do this
on Shabbos,í we immediately give him a substitute, a permitted and appropriate
activity for Shabbos. For this purpose, in our homes, we have specific games
only for Shabbos. This way we donít hear the question, ĎWhen will Shabbos be
over already?í from the children waiting to play with games they canít play
with on Shabbos.
very important to guard the holy atmosphere on Shabbos, and I mean the speech at
the table. We have to filter the topics that come up in the conversation; we
shouldnít speak about weekday topics. And concerning permitted topics, not
everything needs to be brought up at the table. This is how we guard the feeling
that Shabbos is a holy time."